The brave men of the PeekYou mailroom, on any given day.
What we’re to do today will probably not become a regular feature here at the PeekScore blog, as it’s just too emotionally trying. This particular day, you see, finds us sitting at PeekYou HQ in a contemplative mood, perhaps a bit moist with sentimentality and flush with gratitude for you, the greatest assemblage of users to ever be found beneath, to ever escape from, to ever be party to a conquest of, or a battle for (a handy summation of all the stuff you can be and/or do with a thing) this whole wide, world wide web. Sometimes, every once in a very long while, after days on end of exhaustive efforts to bring to you the very best, we’ll allow ourselves a moment’s reprieve from relentless revolutionary thought and tireless innovation to ponder and reflect. Today found us enjoying just such a moment.
Often when this “relaxed,” as our grandmothers might have had it, we’ll reach our hands – blistered from our marathon sessions in the internet mines – deep into the many, sinfully neglected mail bags lining, from the marble floors to the mighty beams of our cathedral ceilings, the numerous winding hallways of our palatial midtown Manhattan offices. We eagerly venture into this inky mass of awaiting papercuts, to know of the invariably kind words which patiently rest deep within the canvas sacks, anticipating their perfect moment when they will make us weep like babes in arms.
Here’s our mailroom guy, Billy Jack, overwhelmed as always.
We’ve got to remember to give him a big fat bonus this Christmas
(now there’s an arcane reference for you).
Today, while indulging our “let’s hear it for the hoi polloi!” urges, we read five letters – three of which were even vaguely coherent and legible – before growing uncomfortable with what we deciphered as endless acclaim and kudos. If flattery was our currency of choice, we’d be the richest women and men in the world. Alas, it is not. Money is, so we are not. One letter, all the same, really stood out as poignant and humbling, if not quite capable of paying the rent or buying us Rangers season tickets.
This PeekYou reader wrote:
I can only imagine how busy you must get running an incredibly popular, brilliant, and somehow even handsome website such as PeekYou. I write you today with a heart heavy with fear and trepidation, as I take your rejection as a given; though I can hardly hold you accountable. Do know, as I am aware of your greatness, that I’d never dare expect a response. Who am I to bigshots such as the cosmopolitan brain-trust behind PeekYou.com? I’m a nobody, that’s who (I’d imagine). Please don’t patronize me by insisting otherwise.
I’m sorry, I get touchy sometimes. It’s been a weird week. I shouldn’t take it out on you, I know.
Anyway, my question to you is this: The entries within the always groundbreaking and important PeekScore blog are written with a collective voice (i.e. “we,” “our,” and “us,” as opposed to “I,” “mine,” and “me”), implying that each entry has multiple authors simultaneously. How is this possible, and is this accurate? Is the website itself somehow sentient – possessing an artificial intelligence approaching, if not yet quite surpassing human intelligence (as we’re not there yet) – and does it compose the entries itself?
Many things in this world confuse me, you see, so perhaps you needn’t answer the question at all as I’ve already by now even forgotten what it was. Still, I eagerly await your response.
Your friend, lover, and then friend again,
Nelly “Princely” Sum
P.S. – Could you do a PeekScore list, ranking the top ten of the top 50 richest people in music, but only specifically in the U.K.? Thanks, PeekYou, as always, you’re the dagnabbed tops! – N.”P”.S.
Nelly, so humbled are we by your kind words, and amazed at your ability to insert hyperlinks into a handwritten letter, that we’re typing this response to you while on our knees. And yes, Nelly, you needn’t rub your eyes or your computer monitor, as you have read that correctly; we did type “we.” These entries are composed by committee, with five to ten of PeekYou’s most esteemed employees huddled around a single 13″ laptop computer, each simultaneously having two to three of the fingers of his or her dominant hand upon the keyboard. As none of us can really at that point actually see either the keyboard or the computer monitor, we communicate our intentions to one another more through grunts and nudges, and the occasional sharp elbow to the ribs, than through actual words. Our entries are written inspired by feel and intuition and not by any actual ideas or concepts. The outcome of this unorthodox method generally requires extensive, patient, excruciatingly time-consuming, and incredibly imaginative copy-editing, and is an enormous surprise for all involved. As you’re reading the end result of this (arguably convoluted and needlessly tedious) process, you can see that it works a treat where other “single author” blogs come up short.
As for your slyly post-scripted request, we feel duty bound to oblige.
The rich have had such a rough go of it of late, and the British have had to deal with their share of trials and tribulations for centuries now. Top top this all off, and to officially establish the newly oppressed class we’ll be celebrating today, we read in the papers that those in the business of music have had a heck of a time since choosing to give all their music away for free (or, as is our understanding). We suspect that our Nelly is not only astute and kind, but deeply compassionate and looking to provide for “the little guy” a bit of inspiration as well. We view today’s list as a sort of beacon of hope to the world’s downtrodden and persecuted classes. A sandwich, if you will, to the starving man who is the aging British rockstar or record mogul. Eat well boys, this one’s for you.
Humbly keeping PeekScores out of it for a moment, let me ask you a question: How do you measure a person’s worth?
By now you know our answer (as, let’s face it, there is no keeping PeekScores out of it). Since all of these people are insanely rich, it seems silly to dicker over who’s richer (although the richest on this list is WAY richer than the least rich), but it’s never anything short of the greatest sport in all the land to see how the chips may fall when PeekScores are involved.
Again, for your perusal, here’s the full list of the 50 richest people in U.K. music. Who would you have thought might be higher? Whose wealth has surprised you? Whose wealth do you resent? Whose wealth do you celebrate? Let us know in the comments.
||Paul McCartney||We could write some hack gag pretending he’s little known, or beating into the ground the premise that he’s best regarded for his (frankly often underrated) 70s work, but who does such trite buffoonery help? He’s who he is, you know who he is, he’s a genius, let’s move on.|
||Elton John||For the sheer breadth, depth, and longevity of his enormous global successes – spanning over 40 years, and including over 200 million records sold worldwide, 56 U.S. top 40 hits, three hit Broadway musicals, and on and on – the man should be embarrassed by the fact that Simon Cowell is somehow richer than he.|
||Mick Jagger||No matter how much of a fool he’s made of himself over the years – and oh boy has he ever – he’ll always get a pass from these authors. Being a fool, after all, was always part of the gig. And besides, have you heard Beggar’s Banquet lately? It buys mountains of forgiveness.|
||Sting||A man who has elevated grating affectations – both musical and otherwise – to a sort of high art. A really, genuinely awful high art. We run a family blog here, and it’s more the pity as this gentleman can inspire some stomach churning metaphors.|
||Andrew Lloyd-Webber||Composer of the crummy scores to lousy, yet inconceivably successful musicals. A brief appearance by Mandy Patinkin in a late 70s NYC area TV commercial promoting one of ALW’s megahits succeeded in doing nothing so much as turning the worthwhile members of an entire generation off to musical theater, nearly single-handedly birthing the artistic void that is modern Broadway.|
||Keith Richards||Do you think it’s easy to be this much of a bummer while still being pretty badass? Think again. Keef’s treading of the line between troubling clown and inspiring survivor is not for the weak-hearted (figuratively, as we’d imagine in literal terms his heart’s seen better days).|
||Simon Cowell||We don’t care what anyone says, we don’t love to hate him.|
||Cameron Mackintosh||We bet you all that money makes him less miserable than those of us writing this. By now, though, you should know that bar’s been set pretty low.|
||Clive Calder||He may be the richest person in music (in the U.K.), but here in PeekYouLand he’s just a nothing bottom-feeder (which, actually, it could be argued is apt).|